Memoirs of Hoover and Me In The Beginning ( 2006 )

Lets start on a Monday

First off let me say my human is quite a gal.. she puts up with allot of craziness from us daily.. my cohort Hoover is just driving her nuts.. he shadows her everywhere.. the other day he hopped in the shower with her.. I heard a " HAY.. get out of here.. ya trying to kill me " .. I was just sitting on the floor in the hallway.. I raised my head to see what was up.. soon she pulled the shower curtain dripping wet she lifted him out of the tub.. and proceeded to dry him.. he was pulling at the towel thinking oh a new game.. she wasn't amused though.. she tried using the dryer on him.. but he ran like h*ll.. after that her still dripping from her hair got back in the shower and finished up.. all the time saying to him.. " stay there " it was quite a comical episode..

Tuesday

Oh have I got one for ya today.. last night we all went to bed about 11:15 ... I got right next to my human and that silly Hoover was at my a$$ .. well we all fell fast asleep I woke up after hearing him jump off the bed.. I thought he was going for water.. few minutes he was back on the bed.. then all of a sudden the room was enveloped with this awful aroma.. yup you guessed it.. he pooped on the floor.. I thought to myself.. oh boy.. I'm gonna get rid of him now.. she'll be packing his toys in the morning.. she doesn't need this.. wait till she wakes up.. gosh I hope she doesn't step in it.. then all of a sudden I hear her say.. " Oh you guys are disgusting " little did she know it wasn't gas.. anyways few minutes passed and she was still holding the pillow to her face.. but the aroma was ever present.. she grumbled.. " Oh no you didn't " switched on the light and sat up.. " YES " I thought.. she sees it.. " he's toast now " she sighs gets up out of bed.. he figures its play time.. she's grumbling all the while.. throws a kleenex on it so he doesn't step in it till she goes gets something to clean it up.. stupid Hoover hot on her tracks.. while I just lay on the warm bed thinking.. she returned.. picked up the load and went to flush it.. she still had not reprimanded him.. I thought " Hay what gives " he in the meantime got back on the bed and barked at me.. she returned mumbling to herself.. then sprayed some of that smelly stuff.. and got back into bed.. we all fell back asleep.. this morning I was sure he'd be going.. but "noooooooooo" he's still here... she let him get away with it.. I hope when I get old and cra* on the floor I don't end up in " depends "

Wednesday

Okay.. about last night.. well it was after supper Hov and I were full and settling in for a nap.. she was on the computer sipping her tea.. that Hoover seemed restless so he left the room and was real quiet.. time passed she was busy at the screen not noticing he was gone AWOL.. I guess what she was doing was intense.. anyways she suddenly heard a noise.. yup you guessed it.. he was up on the coffee table big as life chewing his knuckle bone.. which by itself is okay .. better that than the furniture.. but wait there's more.. our hallway has floating wood floors.. on her return after getting him down by squirting him with her squirt bottle ( I love it when she gets him ) she was coming back.. so I trotted behind her.. silly Hoover stayed in the living room.. while passing the washroom she noticed yup a mess in there.. he had turned over the garbage pail.. scattered the waste.. chewed some q tips then drank from the toilet making the ceramic floor slippery as all get out.. there it was that grumbling I had come to enjoy.. she's gonna get him now... he wondered by as he heard her in there.. thought okay I like this game and vantage point.. so he ran like h*ll in there grabbed a q tip.. and ran back out.. " thief" she called him and chased him trying to get it.. Oh the game afoot he thought... running wildly around.. taking shortcuts under furniture.. but alas she caught him.. he dropped like a stone.. rolled on his back.. she took the q tip.. and because of his goofy face began laughing.. and giving him kisses.. I was just disgusted.. and returned to the couch.. I think she's gone mad..

Thursday

Oh what a night.. She went out for a few minutes to " get a dvd " she said.. I thought great that means popcorn.. So we waited Hov of course set to tearing newspaper.. silly character he is.. anyways she gets back.. with the movies and yup low and behold cleans up the newspaper no scolding AGAIN.. this is really starting to annoy me by the way.. He just looks at her with those crazed eyes and she melts.. Well we settle in after our howling h*llooooooo's She puts on the dvd.. I figure great she'll go pop some corn.. nope she sits on the couch.. I get there before stupid does and get on her lap.. Percyyyyy she says " yer diggin your boney legs into my side.. I was just to see if I'd be pushed away.. well I wasn't and the Hov was left on the carpet.. none to happy I must say he napped on her feet.. Well I put my slobbery face on her chest and fell asleep.. The movie was a chick flick so no fun for me.. even though the title was something about "dogs"
I was real content last night.. I got her for the whole movie.. he got the floor.. Things couldn't have gone better..

Friday...

The adventures never stop.. late yesterday it was snowing to beat the band.. she said hay boys wanna go out front.. ( that means on our 20' tie outs ) well of course Hov was right there.. so she put him on my red tie out and I was put on his blue.. So out we went.. of course he pushed me to get down the stairs first.. we were out a few minutes she looked to check us to see if we wanted in or had got caught ( we do that allot ) around the bushes or tree or big rock out front.. but no we were okay... few more minutes passed.. Hov was barking his fool head off.. she looked to see what the commotion was.. and noticed me walking down the property where I shouldn't be.. So now I'm just walking minding my business remember.. well out she comes.. no coat.. no boots calling me .. I thought " WHAT " I don't want to come in... that bugger Hov had chewed the tie out he was trying to get rid of me... Oh boy was I pi**ed .. well she grabbed my collar and lead me back home.. at least she wasn't mad at me for going too far.. now on the other hand when she went to untangle Hov.. she wasn't happy at all.. gave him the old.. speech about brotherhood.. and brought him in too.. I gave him a piece of my mind I tell you.. if I had got lost she would have been heart broken.. lucky I move slow.. I didn't get to far.. and I'm not the shiniest penny.. I didn't even realize I was free... Oh well its the back yard for a while... I'm plotting my revenge.. He won't get rid of me that easy...

Saturday...

Oh don't get me started.. we just went out in the yard.. the snow up to my belly.. and I was in my glory.. but that pest kept running around me.. over me.. until I told him.. in no uncertain terms to buzz off.. You think he'd listen.. he just kept taunting me with his cute looks ( ya I said it cute ) waggin his tail running crazy patterns.. like a football player.. Well I had enough of his antics so I headed for the ramp to go back up to the deck to go inside.. that SOB .. ran up ahead of me.. and blocked the path.. I tried going around him and fell off into the snow.. Oh I was P'd then.. so I just got on that ramp and bullied my way past him.. lucky I out weigh him for now.. I got in and here I am ranting again.. Yikes time for a nap..

Sunday...

Well its a whole new day.. last night was pretty easy actually.. but this morning all h*ll broke loose.. That Hov was having his own " Basset 500 " of course while she showered.. He trashed our bed.. had stuff flying .. his ears were flapping as he was tearing around.. barking his fool head off.. She didn't realize his behavior was mostly because I got him back for yesterday.. yup he thought it was funny pushing me off the deck.. well the last laugh was mine.. I was blocking the door so he was nervous to pass me to get into the bathroom.. and so he tried to suck me in to running the " Basset 500 " but I might be old but no fool.. I watched him.. till I heard her shut off the water and moved to the hallway.. She got out.. dryed a bit and went to the room.. she saw the trashed bed.. needless to say that silly culprit was laying in the messy bed .. She just laughed.. can you imagine.. I thought she'd have at him.. but noooooooooo I left the room and got up in the lazy boy..

Monday...

Okay I'm calm now I'm fed too... now today she went out leaving us alone.. no big deal.. ya right.. not for Hov.. the beast went on a tear again.. he ripped newspaper.. he chewed up her rubber mat.. knocked the phone off the hook.. and spilled the water bowl.. Well low and behold she rolls in about 2 1/2 hours later with a load of groceries and food for us as well a treat of pigs ear for each of us.. I thought NO WAYYYYY will he get his.. after creating this mess.. I was such a good boy and didn't mess anything.. Anyways she greeted us at the door.. and tried to get in with all her bags.. didn't the little bugger scoot out the door.. She hollered HOOVERRRRRRRR.. he came back.. she was thrilled.. because he could have bolted really... so we all got in safely.. she carried the bags to the kitchen.. saw more of the mess he did.. then guess what.. she actually tossed us both an ear.. can you believe that.. I just don't get this gal.. but I love her..

Tuesday...

Last night I fell asleep on the couch.. while she was on the computer.. it was near 11 and I looked up .. she was there so I drifted back to sleep ( I'm a little nervous if I don't see her at bedtime ) anyways.. I guess I fell back heavily.. because I woke by myself in the dark.. well my cataract's are not good.. so my vision in the dark isn't great.. thank God I have a great sniffer.. I found my way to the bedroom.. and tried to get up.. wouldn't you know it.. there he was.. right in my spot.. was I p'd.. I know its the best place to sleep and most secure right beside her.. but I ended up at the bottom.. I could have woke her up to move him out but I knew she was tired.. I'll deal with him today.. I have a long memory .. he won't get away with it.. Oh and he pee'd last night too on his weewee pad.. ya think he'd hold his water overnight.. haha I know I can..

Wednesday...

Well let me tell you about our walk yesterday.. yup she got all dressed.. the snow pants.. her down filled jacket.. even that silly bomber hat she wears .. and we set out.. Not far passed the driveway she pulled her camera out of her pocket.. I think she wanted to finish the roll in there so she could embarrass us on that computer with the snaps she got of us.. doin stuff.. She snapped one of the house and then pointed it at Hov and me.. yup he pulled away on his leach.. away came her hand from her face and the camera dropped.. the film door opened.. Yikes I thought.. she's gonna be uttsettttt .. and boy was she.. I know that was our first roll as a family.. she captured him and I asleep together on the lazyboy.. and other poses that I won't disguss in polite company.. but they did concern a certain pup and my butt.. anyways she closed the door of the camera.. and listened as it rewinded.. I know she was sad the rest of the walk.. but towards the end that silly Hov.. had her laughing as his ears were flapping and he was running/bounding through the deep snow.. Yes it was funny I have to admit.. We got back.. and had a treat of a chicken leg each on the back deck.. while she sat with a hot chocolate.. the sun shining and silence all around.. Yes its all good really..

Thursday...

Today I think she will go out to Walmart and see if any photos were not lost to Hov's antics..

Oh what a night... she's tired today.. that silly Hov had us up at 4 this morning with diarrhea .. the smell I tell ya.. even on my worst day I never was that stinky.. it was way worse than when we cut the cheese together.. anyways on goes the light.. up she gets.. grumbling a little.. lets him out.. after the fact.. I never understood that theory.. humans are weird.. she proceeded to get it up as best she could.. and applied that spray stuff to make it not stain or smell.. I think she'll do a better job today on it.. ha she thought it would be all fun and games.. what an awakening.. but I must say her sense of humor is real noticeable these days.. I think shed be tearing her hair out if she didn't.. besides Hoover grabbed a mouthful the other day while she was wrestling him on the bed.. lucky he let go.. Well we all got back to bed around 4:45 he was asleep in seconds.. wrapped around her head this time.. I was loyally by her side.. she through her arm over me.. said nite pup.. and we all drifted back to sleep.. What a night..



Percy signing off